Why I’m Considering An Open Relationship

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I’ve been divorced and dating for a long time. Longer than I care to admit. Yet, I always make excuses not to commit to someone.

Dating and finding someone I want to do life with during mid-life has been a lot harder than I thought it would be. So, over the years, I’ve done my own thing and gotten really comfortable being the only adult in my house. I enjoy sleeping alone, eating dinner whenever I want and having complete control over how I decorate and the temperature. I love not having to share a bathroom with anyone and being able to drop everything and spend time with my older kids when they want to see me.

I crave a partner. It would be nice to have someone to talk to, have sex with, and spend a lazy Sunday afternoon with. Selfishly, I want them around when it’s convenient for me, and I don’t want them to interrupt my life flow. I love my routine, and I’m not very flexible about it.

Dating and trying to have a relationship has made me realize two very important things about myself: I like my space. In my last relationship, he wanted to move in together, but I didn’t. I also tend to feel overwhelmed in a relationship. I don’t want to be someone’s everything. My ex-husband called me out on that, and if I’m being honest, so has every other man I’ve been in a relationship with. I was thinking deeply about this last month, wondering what was wrong with me and if I needed to go to therapy again. My friends have told me they think I just haven’t met the right man yet — the one who will make me want to settle down and give him everything.

Then, I was approached by a man who was married and openly living a polyamorous life. My first instinct, even though I was very attracted to him, and upon talking for a few minutes, I could tell we had a similar lifestyle, was no way. I could never have a relationship like that.

But something pulled me toward him. Maybe it was his charm or the fact that he and his wife, together, explained to me that they each wanted one other partner while they stayed married and raised their kids.

The weeks have passed and we’ve stayed in touch, talking every day. Nothing physical has happened between us, and I’m still not sure if it ever will, but I can honestly say I’m contemplating it. I’d be able to see this man on nights I’m free/ He’s offering romantic dates, getaways and giving me the freedom to continue to date other people. I’d never have to worry about him wanting to move in together, and I’d still have plenty of time to myself. We have very similar lifestyles, so I know we enjoy the same things: going to the gym, cooking, gardening, reading and doing things around the house.

Then, I think about how I would feel if we were spending time together and his wife or kids needed him. Would I get jealous on the nights he was with his wife? Or would sharing him okay, knowing this was exactly what I signed up for? How would I explain it to my adult children? Keeping something like this from them isn’t something I’m willing to do. Would it be right for me to do it for a little while for companionship?

I don’t know many people who have been in an open relationship, but from what I’ve heard, it never really works and is usually a gateway to cheating.

If you had asked me last year or even a few months ago if I’d ever consider an open relationship, I would have said absolutely not. So, I’m not sure why it’s on my mind so much now. Maybe because a ridiculously hot man and his wife approached me about it, and I can ask questions and explore it without doing it. I could just be romanticizing it all. I never thought I’d be comfortable sharing my partner with someone else, so why am I not fazed by it now? I wonder if I’ve built too many walls, grown incredibly selfish or maybe I’m just incapable of changing my life enough to let someone in fully.

Part of me thinks I won’t figure out these questions that keep me up at night until I try it. I do trust myself and know that if I get into something I don’t want any longer, I’ll take myself out of it.

Or maybe I’m completely setting myself up for heartbreak and I need to focus on finding a great partner who only wants me and only wants me to be with him.

Either way, I’m considering having an open relationship. If nothing else, it will be an amazing story to tell.

Would YOU ever consider an open relationship? Let us know in the comments below.