I met my best friend on our first day of college. Immediately, she was familiar to me in a way that gave me a calming sense I’d never experienced. She still has that effect on me 30 years later.
We were 18, and she was having a hard time being away from home and felt strange about living with someone she’d never met before. However, I was ready to get out of the town I’d grown up in and swore I’d never return.
We stayed up late that night talking. We did the same the following night. It wasn’t long until we both felt like we’d been sisters in another life — something a psychic ended up telling us was true 20 years after we’d met. We were there when we both went through hard breakups in the same year. She was there when my first engagement fell apart. We both sobbed when I decided to move a few thousand miles away after graduation — and I remember thinking, I don’t want to leave her.
When my first child was born, she drove five hours to be with me. When my ex-husband and I bought our first house, she was our first guest — despite the fact she lives five hours away. When my marriage fell apart, she was the one person I needed. I told her in a moment of desperation, “If you can stay, I will be OK.”
I knew full well she couldn’t stay; she has a family of her own and she’d dropped everything to be with me for a few days after one phone call.
But the thing is, I knew things would be fine because she’d been in my life for so long and proven to me she wasn’t going anywhere. She has always given me peace of mind, and I can honestly say, no one else in my life has done that the way she has.
My best friend has been a constant in my life. She has been a bright spot I have always been able to count on. She isn’t afraid to tell me like it is. She calls me out when I need it the most. Then, there are times she simply listens and says, “See, you are answering your own questions.” It’s as if she knows what I need more than I know what I need. She has seen me at my worst and at my best. There’s no judgment, competition or hard feelings when we go months without talking (which we often do). There is only the ease of knowing we are always there for each other because that’s the way it has been for 30 years now.
When something happens or I need to talk something out, I go to her before I go to my partner. She doesn’t let me get away with not believing in myself. She knew me when I was a teenager. She has seen me stumble and watched me change over the decades. She handles things differently than he does, and although I love him very much and value our relationship, she is the one person I’m not sure I could live without.
But the biggest reason why her relationship is more sacred to me than the one I have with my partner is that she gets me in a way no man ever will. It’s something that just happens when you have a friend whom you’ve grown up with, and despite the changes you go through there is still acceptance and desire to be in each other’s lives.
I’ve always known what I have with her is rare. We both have other friends, and we see each other only once or twice a year. But we have something that stands out from every other relationship I have.
She is my person; my soulmate. I feel so lucky knowing she is always going to be a constant in my life.
Andrea D'Aquino
