When I was younger, I often heard tales of women hitting a little something called “their sexual prime.” The message I received from Cosmopolitan, movies and the media in general was that this sexual prime took place somewhere between 35 and 40 and lasted for a few years — until menopause hit.
Menopause, as I understood it, meant the death of all things sexual. This concept has stuck with me well into my 40s, and here I am gearing up for my final years of sexual pleasure. Enjoy it now while you still can, I tell myself. But guess what, girlfriends? It turns out this may not be true at all. Sex doesn’t end when menopause begins. As a matter of fact, there are many who say it is better than ever after menopause.
In an effort to investigate the truth about postmenopausal sex, I sat down with Kiana Reeves, a pelvic care practitioner, somatic sex educator and chief content officer at Foria, to discuss postmenopausal sex.
Reeves agrees it’s time to debunk the myth that sex has an expiration date. Sex can and should be great for as long as you want it to, and yes, in many ways, it is better than ever postmenopause. How, you ask? Let us count the ways.
Self-love
One of the greatest benefits of sex postmenopause is that “you know yourself and your body better than you ever have, and that is the number one contributor to sexual pleasure and satisfaction,” says Reeves. As we get older, fears and anxieties tend to dissipate. We become more confident in our own skin, and that can help us embrace our sexuality and let go of inhibitions. Lisa, 51, confirms that self-love and confidence have helped her sex life tremendously. “My sex life is better now than in my 30s, and why? Because I healed myself. I did the inner work. I reached a place of self-love. I care deeply for myself and feel confident and secure in who I am.” And what is sexier and more empowering than a woman who loves the skin she’s in? Own it, love it and work it!
Wisdom
By the time we hit menopause, we have seen it (and felt it) all. We have experienced the highest highs and the lowest lows. We have cried over the breakups and enjoyed the makeups. Life has taught us valuable lessons, and as the saying goes, what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger — and wiser. Christine says that this wisdom translates into the bedroom department: “We know what we like, we’re more confident about asking for what we want, and we’re more open to listening to and accepting our partner’s deepest desires. At this point, we’ve often unwound old cultural taboos and accepted our bodies, and we know how precious our time is.” Sexual wisdom opens the door to creativity, exploration and healthy communication, and these are all contributing factors to satisfying sex. Reeves says, “[When we] know ourselves more and understand our bodies better, we are capable of experiencing more pleasure.”
No fear
Birth control pills, pregnancy tests and tracking ovulation become a thing of the past, and for many, this is the first time they can enjoy sex without fear of pregnancy. The thoughts of broken condoms, missed pills or faulty birth control can be all-consuming for some. Janette, 54, remembers how freeing it was when she first had sex postmenopause, “I got pregnant with my first child while I was on the pill, and so I became paranoid about pregnancy every time I had sex.” When menopause hit, “it was like a huge weight had been lifted, and for the first time, I was [fully] present during sex.”
Free your mind and the rest will follow, friends. Perhaps the best news of all is that it’s as simple as making a conscious decision to make sex a priority. If you want to stay sexually active, then do it! Where there is a will, there’s a way, and Becky, 69, says she is living proof that sex gets better after menopause. “I don’t take hormones or do anything to boost my sex drive. It’s still here. It doesn’t necessarily have to go away unless you want it to, and I certainly don’t want to give up sex, no matter how old I live to be.” So, there you have it, girlfriends. It’s time to rewrite our futures to include lots of mind-blowing sex!
What do you think? Does sex just get better and better after menopause? Let us know in the comments below.
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