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I should tell you right now I don’t have cats. Or a dog, for that matter. I also don’t spend my nights lounging on the couch with a pint of ice cream in my hand while watching some sappy Hallmark Channel movie. But I am single and in my late 40s, which means I often have a lot of explaining to do.
For the record, nobody grows up and dreams of being alone. I fantasized about potential wedding dresses and honeymoon destinations like most women in their 20s. I’ll even admit that if I had known I’d still be single at this stage in my life, I probably would have cried myself to sleep in a state of utter despair.
Want to know how many times I’ve actually cried myself to sleep about being single? Zero. Seriously. I’m way too consumed with my job and day-to-day responsibilities to ruminate over my circumstances — let alone shed tears over it. I pack my bags and skip town all the time, to the point where airport employees recognize me.
If I have a low-key weekend, it’s because I’ve specially designed it that way to give myself a break. The only time I’m reminded of my status is when others inadvertently remind me of it: Are you bringing a date to the wedding? Nope. What are you doing for New Year’s Eve? Not sure. Is it okay if I bail on lunch? My kid is sick. Sure. Otherwise, I deal with the same general stresses as my married-with-kids peers, from the rising cost of Everything but the Bagel Crackers at Trader Joe’s to mammogram results.
Here's another debunked myth: My single friends rarely complain to me about being single. That’s why I wanted to talk to a handful of them about the positives of our lifestyles. They were all willing to talk. Not surprisingly, I could only carve out a sliver of interview time with them because they’re busy as heck. I’ve whittled down our conversations to six benefits — pets and pet peeves not included!
“I have financial freedom.”
As a single person, I’m proud of my increasing financial literacy. I’m in charge of my own money, so I know how to allocate between stocks and bonds in my savings funds. I’ve also taught myself things like optimal net allocation. If I had a partner, I’d have to share accountability for all these decisions. I might have to help pay off his loans and deal with my kids’ college funds. That can lead to a lot of fighting and mistrust. The flip side is that I can save and spend however I want to. I can splurge on concert and ballet tickets without thinking twice and decide how much I need to put away for my retirement. There’s a lot of power when you can control your own destiny. — Amy, 51, Boston
“I do whatever I want at home.”
I actually really like living by myself because I don’t have to feel like I’m acting a certain way around somebody else. I’m a little messy and can throw my stuff everywhere. Then I clean my apartment at weird times! I have friends who are like, “My husband and I both go to bed at 9 p.m.” I don’t understand that. At night, I watch trashy TV and scroll on the phone in bed and then spread out and fall asleep. I feel like if I were living with someone, I might feel weird about doing a lot of that. I don’t want to be judged for eating potato chips at midnight, you know? Don’t even get me started on going to the bathroom! Everyone’s a little crazy in their own way when they’re alone, so I appreciate that I can 100 percent be myself. — Abby, 39, New York City
“I date around.”
Well, I wouldn’t call myself a Samantha Jones. Like, I don’t go through a lot of guys just for the sex. But I still do enjoy the thrill of dating and meeting so many different kinds of guys. I went out with someone last year who slipped into my DMs. I’m also on a few dating apps and I make a point to leave my apartment. Definitely not loud bars and clubs anymore, but I’m out and about. Do I still want to be in a loving, long-term relationship? For sure. But there’s still something so fun about the element of surprise. I still get nervous before a first date and the first kiss, just like I did when I was in my 20s! Even now, you just don’t know where something or someone could lead. — Christy, 42, New York City
“I’m an expert problem-solver.”
I’ve had to learn a lot because I’m single. Starting with little things like buying a shower head and then finding a plumber to install it. I never thought that would be me! A big thing happened a few years ago when I went down to my apartment building’s parking garage and saw that someone had busted my car window. There was glass everywhere. I was like, “Oh, shit, what do I do?!” I admit it would have been nice at that moment to have a husband to just give me the answer. But then I thought, “No, I can figure this out by myself.” First, I went to a dealership; then, I found a Safelite, and they repaired it for me. I was proud of myself. — Karen, 47, Detroit
“I design my own schedule.”
This weekend, I’m going to drive down to Ohio City and walk around a little bit and check out a new coffee shop that just opened. On Sunday, depending on the weather, I’ll either go to the movies or go to the outdoor market that I love. I’ll do a little work, too. It’s like I can check out anything because I do what I want when I want it — and I don’t have to deal with convincing someone else to go with me. I like being independent like that. I have some friends who need to ask permission from their husbands before they do anything. I wouldn’t say that bums me out; it’s more like a shock to my system because I’m not used to living like that. It’s fun to be spontaneous and live in the moment! — Nicole, 48, Cleveland
“I embark on big adventures.”
When I turned 40, I felt so stuck in my life. Then, a friend told me, “You’re single and don’t have any dependents except your dog. You can do whatever you want!” I ended up quitting my job, renting out my house and traveling the world for nine months by myself. I would have gone for longer if I had the money! That experience changed my life, and I decided that every 10 years, I’d treat myself to a big adventure just for a sense of satisfaction. So, I recently turned 50 — and even though I now have a boyfriend, I just went to Europe for a 10-day guided hiking trip through France and Switzerland. It was really intense, but I presented it to myself as a celebration. I also wanted to show my friends and family that you’re never too old to follow your dreams. — Ali, 50, Missoula
Are any of you single and happy to be single? Let us know in the comments below.
Angelica Alzona
Follow Article Topics: Relationships
