I’d stopped by my boyfriend’s house while he was at work to put some food in his refrigerator. We had a weekend sleepover planned, and I wanted to cook for him. While sorting through his kitchen, I realized I could not locate olive oil. Was it possible that I was dating a 55-year-old man who never cooked? I texted him to ask where the oil might be. He wasn’t sure, but he had something else for me to find.
There’s a box in the hall closet with some toys I ordered online.
I honestly thought he had ordered kitchen gadgets. I was excited at the thought of some good Tupperware or a nice Teflon pan. Instead, I found a box full of the latest and greatest sex toys, most of which were designed for my pleasure.
Oh, my.
I’m certainly not inexperienced, but I have not had many interactions with props in the bedroom. As I rummaged through the box, I wondered how I could have been alive (and having sex) for this long without ever seeing products like this before! I felt shocked, intrigued and turned on, all at the same time. But mostly, I was dying to know if this stuff would work!
My guy and I had been dating for a while, and I loved and trusted him. We were comfortable together. In other words, the box had arrived just in time. Things could have turned routine and boring at any moment!
The following evening, I had slam-dunked a homemade risotto dinner, so needless to say I was feeling pretty confident. That is, until we reached into that box of naughty and pulled out The Magic Wand. I’m told this is the most well-known, vibrating pleasure-maker on the market. But nobody told me how HUGE it was! Thank goodness it is NOT intended for internal use. Still, the device was intimidating. I politely suggested we start small.
The next adventure came in a box labeled “Orgasm is a human right.” The Womanizer Starlet Clitoral Stimulator uses “mild yet effective vibration." At just over three inches long, it was far less intimidating than the Magic Wand and more easily transportable ... you know, for when you want to have fun on the road. Oh! And it’s splashproof! So you can feel confident by the pool. My boyfriend applied the I-D Glide Sensual Water Based Lubricant on me. (That felt so nice I didn’t need anything with batteries, but I was up for the adventure!) I sat back and relaxed as we tried the Womanizer. I’m not saying it didn’t feel good, but it also didn't feel great. After several minutes — and resisting the impulse to ask, “Are you sure you’re using it right?” — we decided to move on to our next device.
I returned to the box, hoping to distract him from going back to the Magic Wand. I found a bottle of Adam & Eve 4-In-1 Pure and Clean Misting Toy Cleaner. Wow, this man actually thinks about cleaning and maintenance. It almost made up for not stocking olive oil in his kitchen! (Almost.) And finally, some compelling literature:
The Mystery of the Undercover Clitoris-Orgasmic Fingertip Touching Every Woman Craves.
Now the box was empty. There was nothing left to do but take the Magic Wand for a spin. We turned it on and took a moment to get used to the vibrating sound it makes. “Look, honey,” I exclaimed, “it’s rechargeable!” We both fell into each other's arms, laughing.
Oh, my.
Cécile Dormeau
