The Moment I Knew I Had To Dump My Best Friend

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My ex-best friend and I knew each other for decades. And like all friendships, the relationship I had with her ebbed and flowed. We had stages where we talked a lot and times when we went months without catching up. There were months when she really needed me, and I’d check in on her every day, and times when she’d do the same. I went through some tough times, and she rushed to see me.

We were at each other’s weddings and watched each other navigate things like marriage difficulties, motherhood, career changes and family issues.

She was my person, and for a long time, I felt our friendship was so special that no other friend could compare to her. And so I treated my other friends like that without even realizing it.

But something happened to us as we got older: the dynamic shifted, and I realized it, but it was too painful for me to even say it out loud. I felt I protected the friendship more. I made time for her whenever she’d make it for me. I had no problem clearing my schedule for her, even though she often cancelled or cut our girl time short. For years, I’d feel let down and hurt by this behavior, but I never dared to say anything. I was clinging to the way things used to be, hoping we’d get the dynamic back and I’d feel important again.

I wanted to be the cool, chill friend. The one who didn’t pressure her or ask too much of her because I’d watched her end her other friendships if she didn’t like something they did. I noticed a pattern in which she confided in me about them, yet didn't talk to them about it. Then she’d just cut them loose.

I was like the submissive wife trying not to set her husband off for fear he’d leave. So I kept everything inside and tried to deal with the fact that I often felt cast aside and not very important in her life. It was something my ex-husband noticed, and I’d try to act like it didn’t bother me because I didn’t want to be high maintenance.

Yes, I couldn’t get as close to her as I wanted, but I didn’t need to be so sensitive about it. I wanted her in my life and didn’t think I could express my feelings.

And she dumped me anyway. We had an argument, and I hung up the phone sobbing after apologizing profusely and asking her what I could do to make things right.

We both tried (halfheartedly) to mend the friendship, but after a few months, a light switched on, and I ended our friendship.