How To Successfully Make A Much-Needed Midlife Pivot

Sitting in my law office in lower Manhattan, I thumped my head on my desk, wishing I could change careers. Several strands of hair fell to the floor. At 42, I feared it was too late for a major pivot. Plus, I was petrified I’d go bald.

After work, I dashed around the city seeking answers for my ongoing sporadic hair loss. An integrative doctor detected a leaky gut and restricted my diet. A fancy clinic did scalp treatments to stimulate growth. Still, specialists couldn’t pinpoint an illness or diagnose anything causing the excessive shedding. I was desperate for a remedy (or even a spell), not the condescending, “You’re stressed, honey.”

I lost my first batch of hair from scratching scabs from chicken pox at 19. But it grew back, and I achieved a dream — dancing in Michael Flatley’s Lord of the Dance, then Riverdance, on Broadway while in law school. Each moment on stage fueled me. Despite my double life as a student and dancer, my hair remained lush. Joint pain, however, destroyed my dance career, and depression struck.

One morning, when I was a lawyer at a major financial institution (not in the entertainment field I desired), I showered and found my legs, tub and tile coated with hair. The shock made my knees buckle. I learned ways to disguise the thinning, and over time, my locks returned. I changed jobs. Another hair loss episode occurred. Then another. And another.

Although I was miserable, I pushed myself to achieve as a Wall Street lawyer, feeling trapped by student loans, New York rent and hair treatment costs. I contemplated alternative careers but convinced myself I hadn’t perfected any new skills or saved enough money to start over.

It was only after I took a leave of absence from work and spent three months in Missouri caring for my octogenarian father, who suffered from dementia (which often made me a sobbing heap on the floor), that I finally quit my job. I left New York and took a chance on love and a new path.

What surprised me was that despite my excitement, I was exhausted for months and had another bout of hair loss. I didn’t realize my body had been screaming at me for years to switch gears and my major midlife pivot exacerbated my prolonged burnout.

Here are five tips for avoiding a troubling wake-up call and transforming your life now:

Recognize Your Body’s Messages 

Many women are disconnected from their body’s signals, according to Beth Kurland, Ph.D., clinical psychologist, TEDx speaker and author of You Don't Have to Change to Change Everything. She suggests paying attention to how different ideas, plans or goals make you feel and noticing what energizes or depletes you. Anchoring into your body can also shift your nervous system out of survival mode. "From the place where we feel more grounded and in balance, we have access to an inner treasure chest — clarity, compassion, acceptance, calm, perspective and problem-solving,” says Dr. Kurland.

Be Your Own Best Friend

Tara Cousineau, Ph.D., a Harvard psychologist and author of The Perfectionist’s Dilemma, recommends cultivating self-compassion and befriending your inner critic, not banishing it. Speak kindly to yourself when reflecting on challenges and changes. Pull negative thoughts out like weeds and plant beneficial “seeds" of encouragement. This isn’t toxic positivity but rather recognizing both the good and bad through constant tending of yourself.

Allow Yourself to Revamp Priorities 

What we value and prioritize can change over time, according to Dr. Kurland. She suggests looking back at what’s driving you and asking yourself: “What is still serving me? Is there a shift I want to make internally and/or externally that would better support my well-being at this stage of my life?” True well-being isn’t dependent on your mood, circumstances or achievement — it can come from altering your mindset and finding more compassionate ways to relate to your feelings and yourself.

Embrace Being a Beginner

When exploring new paths, Dr. Cousineau warns that you may feel like a fraud or not up to the task. “Remind yourself: ‘It's okay to be a beginner. I don't need to know everything.’ You've done hard things before,” she says. “Trust you will be able to find your way forward and never forget that you are worthy of love, belonging, and connection.” Dr. Kurland also advises having an “accountability buddy” to help you navigate transitions with encouragement and support.

Live Without Regrets

Dr. Kurland finds that many women are conditioned to focus on caretaking, people-pleasing and fitting in without ever considering what they truly want. She suggests asking yourself, “If I zoom forward in my life and look back to where I am, is there something that I want to make sure I don't regret?” Give yourself permission to pause and reflect on your needs and wishes, then take one small step forward with a “vow,” as Dr. Cousineau says, “to commit to yourself.”

Many years have passed since my midlife pivot, and I see now that my hair loss wasn’t due to simply stress — it was due to living in distress for far too long. Now, I listen to my body’s messages and nurture myself while focusing on a life without regrets. That’s been the remedy to make my happiness (and hair) thrive.

Have any of you had to make a midlife pivot? What did you do? Let us know in the comments below.