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Life is many things — funny, joyous, confusing, stressful, pleasurable and overwhelming. It is fast and fleeting. Most of us are aware that life passes by at the speed of light and that it is up to us to cherish each day as if it were our last. But doing so can be challenging.
As much as we try to live like we are dying, distractions take over and we lose sight of what’s important. There is a daily habit that can help. I have taken up the strange practice of reading the obituaries of perfect strangers, and let me tell you, it’s a hobby that inspires me. Here are three of my favorites:
“Spend time with your kids. Put your phone down, pause your work and give them a hug. Tell them how proud you are of them.” —Valerie Ann Smith (1984-2024)
Fewer things ring more morbid than writing your own obituary, but Valerie Ann Smith, 39, did just that. After a courageous journey, Smith reports that she “finally won her battle with Renal Medullary Carcinoma” and rejoices because she finally “sits at the feet of Jesus!” With unexpected and well-placed exclamation points, her obituary reads as a celebration of her life and death. A mother of four, Smith left behind a strong community in her hometown of Meadows of Dan, VA. She openly shares her struggle to find a spiritual community — she longed for a church where “I could wear what I was comfortable wearing” — and offers up her newly vacant seat at The Grace Baptist Church to anyone searching for a welcoming church family. She also reminds her loved ones (and all who read her words) that “your plans and God’s plans rarely align” and that we must seize our fleeting moments by prioritizing family and relationships. “Love all over them and invest in quality time with them.” Smith’s obituary is full of wisdom and joy and is a powerful reminder that life is to be lived to the fullest and death is not to be feared.
“We were blessed to learn many valuable lessons from Pink during her 85 years, among them: Never throw away old pantyhose.” —Mary A. “Pink” Mullaney (1927-2013)
The first few lines of Pink’s obituary will have you scratching your head and wanting to read more. And you will be more than happy you did. Her children knew that her obituary needed to be as special and unique as she was, and they hit the ball out of the park. Mary A. Mullaney of Shorewood, WI, was full of fun and inspiring anecdotes and apparently clever ways to use old pantyhose, too. From childproofing cabinets to tying gutters and hanging Christmas ornaments, she never let a pair of stockings go to waste. Pink lived large and doled out love and laughter everywhere she went. Her obituary is a blueprint for following in her footsteps. Keep a chicken sandwich in your purse so you can feed the homeless at a moment’s notice. “Go to a nursing home and kiss everyone.” Pink offered rides to hitchhikers, wrote letters to the imprisoned and never said a mean word about anyone because “they were poor souls to pray for.” May we all live a little more like Pink, think more of others and less of ourselves and find a way every day to enjoy the short ride of life. I think I will start today by making “the car dance by lightly tapping the brakes to the beat of the songs on the radio,” just like she did.
“Some folks told me that writing my own obituary was morbid, but I think it is great because I get a chance to say thank you to all the people who helped me along the way.” —Sonia Elaine Todd (1974-2012)
Sonia Elaine Todd of Moscow, ID, took it upon herself to write her obituary because she “never cared for” the typical ways they were written. She died at age 38 after a battle with cancer and wouldn’t dare put it on her loved ones to dole out “fish tales, half-truths, impossible scenarios and out-right-honest-to-goodness-lies.” Todd is as humble as they get and reports that she “has done very little” and that she “just tried to the best [she] could,” but “most of the time, failed.” She is refreshingly honest and says that the only thing that separates her from anyone else is “the type of sin each of us has participated in.” She loved people and highlighted that relationships are what matters most. In fact, “when you come to the end of your life,” the things you regret most are “the simple things that hurt other people.” She jokes about the benefits of dying “youngish” — “I still owe on my student loans and the joke’s on them cuz I'm not paying them. Plus, I am no longer afraid of serial killers, telemarketers or the IRS.”
She encourages friends and loved ones to do something in her honor, like quitting smoking and stopping at every damn lemonade stand run by kids and raving about their product. It’s perhaps the humblest thing you will ever read and, like the others, will leave you ready to love, forgive, cherish and live like you were dying.
Go ahead and call my habit of reading the obits a little macabre, but my God, isn’t it beautiful that we can learn such powerful lessons from strangers who have passed away and left a permanent stamp of love, laughter and wisdom on this little place called Earth? Perhaps it is only in death that we truly learn how to live, Girlfriends. Now, go out there and live like today is your last, because I assure you — tomorrow isn’t promised.
Do any of you share this writer's hobby of reading obits? Let us know in the comments below.
AARP (Getty Images, 7)
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