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Like many 40-something moms I know, bedtime in my household is a relentless, soul-crushing s**tshow. Once the last child’s bedroom door has clicked shut, I run full speed into a roundoff-back handspring-back layout toward the couch, where the promise of an episode of The Bear and a bag of SkinnyPop await.
Usually, because life is unfair and I must have pissed off a pharaoh in a past life, I’m thwarted by something — a kid calling out, a trail of soccer turf crumbles snaking from the back door to the fridge, the realization that I forgot to file a tax form that must be postmarked by midnight or my business will self-immolate — pushing my bedtime later and later.
I am a women’s health journalist who has spent the last 25 years writing hundreds of articles, plus an entire book, about the importance of sleep. I know it’s critical for my brain, heart, mood, metabolism, immune system, hormones and more. (Perhaps this is why my emotional regulation can best be illustrated by a pack of Mentos being dropped into a two-liter bottle of soda.) And yet, I’ve long sacrificed my slumber to the gods of late-night snacking, screens and to-do lists.
Thanks to recent shifts in my work and personal life, I’m ready to make some real changes. I want to be a person who prioritizes her sleep and, thus, herself. So, I asked three sleep and self-care professionals for advice. Below, they share some of their most compelling tips. I hope they inspire me — and you — to get our butts in bed.
Don’t fall victim to Revenge Bedtime Procrastination.
This phrase describes the choice to sacrifice sleep to squeeze in Me Time, usually in the form of social media scrolling or TV binge-watching. While these late-night antics feel desperately needed and earned, darn it, after a long day of work, caretaking and general stress (hence the “revenge”), they yield a dismal ratio of short-term fun to long-term benefits, says Tracy Otsuka, JD, author of ADHD for Smart Ass Women and a reformed Revenge Bedtime Procrastinator herself. (Her former RBP drug of choice: back-to-back Love Island every night between midnight and 2:30 a.m.)
It wasn’t until she read Why We Sleep by neuroscientist Matt Walker and learned that the quality and quantity of one’s shuteye is directly linked with lifespan ("I was like, ‘Oh my God, I’m gonna die,’” she recalls) that she began taking baby steps to squash her sleep pushback.
“I made it an intention and created an identity around it: ‘I am the kind of person who gets in bed by midnight,’” Otsuka says. (Admittedly still late, but she says 11 p.m. isn’t feasible for her naturally energetic personality and night owl circadian rhythm.) She began setting multiple Apple Watch alarms leading up to her new curfew, plus an 11:50 p.m. Alexa alarm that announces, “Cinderella, you have 10 minutes to get into bed or you will turn into a pumpkin.” The combination of humor and beat-the-clock challenge is enough to get her into bed. Her focus and mood improved as she racked up more hours of sleep. She now likens sleep to “free therapy.” Sort of like all that late-night British reality TV, only it won’t kill you.
Track your sleep responsibly.
One in three Americans has used a watch, ring or other device to monitor their sleep. These trackers measure movement and use it to estimate how long and how well you’ve slept. They can be incredibly motivating — when I first started wearing my Oura ring, it revealed a distinct dip in sleep quality on nights I’d drunk wine, even though it was just one glass at 7 p.m. That was enough to convince me to cut back to one or two nights a week.
As with most technology, it’s easy to get hooked on your device. “People get overly fixated on achieving ‘perfect’ sleep as measured by their trackers,” says Shelby Harris, Psy.D., director of sleep health at Sleepopolis and author of The Women’s Guide to Overcoming Insomnia. “This pressure can stress you out, making it tougher to drift off. The more you stress, the worse your sleep becomes,” she says, then the cycle continues.
Researchers have named the sleep tracker obsession: Orthosomnia.
Studies have shown that these devices tend to overestimate total time asleep and are imprecise in detecting sleep stages. Instead of taking every bit of data as gospel, Harris recommends viewing your sleep tracker as a helpful tool to tweak your sleep habits. For instance, if your tracker indicates you're logging less sleep than usual, pay less attention to the exact number of minutes you’ve lost and reflect on your recent habits instead. Working late? More stressed than usual? “The goal is to use the data to inform smarter sleep habits,” she says, “without letting it drive you crazy aiming for perfect numbers.”
Treat yourself to a soothing bedtime routine.
You can’t swing a sound machine without hitting a sleep expert espousing the benefits of a calming, consistent bedtime routine. It sends a powerful “time to wind down” signal to both body and mind. Sometimes, this message is conveyed via hormones, like when we commit to unplugging from screens an hour before bedtime. (Smartphones and other screens radiate stimulating blue light, which enters your eyes and brain, turning off sleep-inducing melatonin and prompting the release of energizing cortisol.)
Other times, cultivating a sacred bedtime routine sends a more explicit “you deserve to rest” message to the brain that, like the manifestation process, can help turn your wish into reality.
Lara Smith, founder of Lusomé, a sleepwear brand that uses moisture management technology to ease night sweats, started a new bedtime routine last summer. At 9 p.m., she turns on a santal-scented diffuser, slips into her favorite pajamas and starts her skincare routine, including a recently upgraded facial cream. “It's something I look forward to and it triggers a response that gets my system ready to shut down for bed.”
If it’s in your budget, treat yourself to comfy sheets and “at least one set of PJs that make you feel fabulous.” Smith believes doing so makes you feel “worthy of luxuries — and of prioritizing sleep.”
Sleep well, Girlfriends!
Do any of you have trouble sleeping? What do you do about it? Let us know in the comments below.
Eva Redamonti
Follow Article Topics: Health
