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I roll out of bed and the dread takes over. Ugh, I have no money. Another day of job searching and financial anxiety.
My thoughts are consumed by fear and self-pity. I don’t want to spend another day applying for jobs that never call back. The texts from my kids roll in, and each one feels like a new request to spend money that I don’t have. “Yes,” I say, “we can go prom dress shopping soon.” “No, I didn’t forget about your coach’s gift.” “I’m sorry, but I won’t be able to pay for haircuts this week, but hopefully soon.”
Life feels heavy and my thoughts spiral. Why me? How much longer can I live like this? How did I end up here?
I need my mental toughness to kick in. I know I can’t give in to self-pity, dread and feeling overwhelmed. I know the key to conquering this day and every other challenge is within me. I know because the mountain taught me.
The mountain I run up and walk down several times a week has become extremely important to me. A dear friend and exercise partner introduced me to it during the pandemic when we ran together. He discovered it in his youth as an escape of sorts and has been running it for decades, encouraging others to do the same. “This mountain tells you who you are,” he said.
I remember one of our early days. “I feel like I am going to die,” I say as I am about halfway to the top. “My body is slowing down.”
With every complaint, and my fear and pain, my friend gave me a reason to keep going. “You’re not a quitter. Keep going,” he said, noting the beauty in my pain: “Yes, it makes you feel like death. But after every death comes a new life. This is where your mental toughness comes in. This is where the mountain will show you who you are.”
And so, I lock in on those thoughts. I dismiss the pain in my legs. I choose to keep my eyes on the ground below me and not the incline ahead. If I look up, I know I will quit. I do whatever it takes to NOT look up and NOT give up. Turn the music up. Slow my steps a little. Breathe slower, sing, walk if I must — but I don’t give up. I keep going.
My thoughts and actions eventually became habits that help me make it up the hill every Tuesday and Thursday. They kick in when my mind wants to quit and help me get through the physical pain of running. These habits help me stay in the moment. When life feels heavy, and I feel unworthy, and the future looks anything but bright, my default mode is to complain and try to control things.
My mountain habits, in contrast, have taught me to be still, fully present, and to surrender. I take life one step at a time, believing that I can and will conquer whatever it throws at me.
That day on the mountain, I changed my mindset from I can’t and I want to quit to Stay strong, I will finish.
When I finally reached the top, my friend said, “Be sure to put your hands in the air like a champion.” I raised my fists like Rocky Balboa. I turn to the right, the view is breathtaking. I am born again.
Today, when I roll out of bed, I shift my mindset. I take a long, slow, deep breath — in and out through my nose — like my training friend taught me. I look down at my feet and remind myself that I have complete control over my thoughts. I make a conscious decision to redirect myself.
Okay, you are in the kitchen, drinking a coffee. I give myself a pep talk. You have enough food in the fridge for today. There is gas in your car and a few hundred bucks in the bank. No one will die without a haircut or prom dress today. Today, you are blessed, and you have everything you need to get through the day. One step at a time. Don’t quit. Keep going.
Today, the view is of dishes in the sink of my small rental. It’s not breathtaking, but I remember who the mountain taught me to be. Today, I am grateful. Today will be a good day.
Do you feel you are mentally tough? Why or why not? Let us know in the comments below.
Min Heo
Follow Article Topics: Health
